In the middle of a work crisis, just after a phone call from an ex, it hit me that I had had trouble in all my romantic relationships. Not the infidelity, or the lies, or any violence, not that kind of trouble.
My trouble has always been that I end up with really nice persons. Decent, trustworthy men, who work hard and care about their future. Oh, I know you can’t see the trouble. You see, I always expect that when something is really good, then I will definitely lose it. So I work much earlier on to sabotage it, so I can be prepared for the pain because I expect it.
I’ve known for a while that I have this weakness. And yet every time, I’m in a budding relationship, I find myself working to destroy it.
Thinking of it, I know the reason. It has something to do with the ex. We had such a great relationship. Oh, he was nice. Decent, respectful, kind, caring… He was fun to be with too. But one day, he woke up, and decided that he needed to see other people.
So, why in the world would he dare call me after all this time? And why do I think I would run back to him because I have been waiting for him anyway? Somebody kick me hard.
