My friend who blogs here decided to be very vague about the things that were bothering her in her note about rights, gender and violence. So I will take the cross and carry it.
An acquaintance of her seems to have been beaten up pretty bad by a man she was out with. The girl was beaten up because she would not ‘give up her goodies’, even after an evening with the guy. I am not sure if the guy was paying, but even if he was, what in the world made him think that it gave him a right to anything, and even worse that it gave him a right to assault her physically.
Well, coming from a world where violence was used to love, to chastise, and to correct, you can understand my indignation. I loathe a man who hits a woman. I hate a parent who uses violence as discipline. I despise a woman who settles score with her fellow women by getting into cat fights. I am angered by a violent man.
Violence is not and has never solved anything. Take into account Iraq, Afghanistan, Vietnam, The Congo, Rwanda. In any case, instead of solving the initial problems, it adds even more. Usually, it is the innocent, the weaker and the victimized that bear the brunt of it.
Three years ago, I got out of a really abusive relationship. The counseling that I had to go through to help me back on my feet, helped me see that I had gotten into the cycle of abuse. Even with my father long gone somehow I subconsciously look for him in the boys I date.
If you have read my previous posts, you might have seen how difficult it has been for me to settle into a decent relationship with a man who respects me. It is lesson I must unlearn. Now I must learn to respect myself, so that I can accept respect. Now I must learn to love myself, so I can accept love.
Zara’s journeys reflect a bit of me, conglomerated with a whole bunch of experiences that I have collected from my friends who face similar issues. It is my hope that as Zara finds her true self, and eventually grows into a woman she can respect, so will all the girls who come on the journey with her.
